Osho Jokes - Home

1. Osho Paddy Jokes
    
2. Random Osho Jokes
    
3. Swami Deva Coconut
    
4. Osho Drunkard Jokes
    
5. Ronald Reagan Jokes
    
6. Mulla Nasruddin Jokes
    
7. Fake Spirituality Jokes
    
8. Osho Little Ernie Jokes
   
   

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    Random Osho Jokes

1. Hamish MacTavish and Sandy MacPherson go mountaineering in the Swiss Alps. Suddenly, Hamish loses his footing, slips and falls off a cliff into a deep crevasse. Sandy MacPherson pokes his head over the cliff and just sees the fingertips of his Scottish friend clinging to a rock.

   "Are you all right, Hamish?" shouts Sandy.
   "Not exactly," gasps Hamish. "But if you run down to the village ten miles back, and get some rope, I will try to hang on until you get back. But hurry, for God's sake!"

   Sandy MacPherson goes running off down the mountainside. An hour later, his face suddenly reappears over the edge of the precipice.
   "Are you still there, Hamish?" he shouts.

   "Jeezus Christ! Just barely!" shouts back Hamish, hanging on by one hand. "Have you got the rope?"
   "Ah!" replies MacPherson, "No! Those tight Swiss bastards wanted two francs for it!"
    

2. A Couch Potato is watching football on TV and eating peanuts at the same time. His wife comes in and somehow manages to distract him, so he puts a peanut in his ear by mistake. He tries everything but can't get the peanut out.

   Just then his daughter and her boyfriend Chip come in and find her father shaking his head and sticking his finger in his ear.

   "Let me help you," says the boyfriend. "I will put two fingers in your nose and blow in your other ear."

   So the desperate Couch Potato lets the boyfriend try, and sure enough, the peanut flies out. The man is ecstatic and goes back to watching TV.

   Later that night the Couch Potato and his wife are lying in bed when she asks, "That Chip is really a nice boy. What do you think he will be when he finishes college?"

   "I don't know," replies the husband, "but by the smell of his fingers, I think he will be our son-in-law."
    

3. Mad Melvin and his friend, Fruitcake, are sitting around the madhouse canteen eating peanut butter and ketchup sandwiches.

   Suddenly, Mad Melvin leans over and whispers, "I am going to escape!"
   "Really, how?" asks Fruitcake.

   "I am going to run through the keyhole!" replies Melvin enthusiastically.

   A few minutes later, Melvin returns rubbing a big, black-and-blue bump on his forehead.

   "What happened?" asks Fruitcake.
   "The guards were ready for me," says Melvin sadly. "They left the key in the lock!"
    

4. Paddy finds an old tandem, a two-man bicycle, on the scrap heap, and fixes it up. Then he and Seamus decide to go out for a ride on it to the top of Heart Attack Hill.

   After two hours of furious pedaling up the steep hill, they finally arrive at the top.

   "Jeezus Christ!" gasps Paddy, on the front. "I did not think we would ever make it."

   "Me either," pants Seamus, at the back, "and we would have slid all the way backwards if I had not kept the brakes on!"
    

5. A backwoods preacher was exhorting his followers about sin and morality. Finally he demanded, "I want every virgin in this congregation to stand up!"
   
   Nobody moved.
   
   Again he shouted, "Every virgin in this congregation, rise!"
   Finally a woman with an infant in her arms got up. "Didn't you hear me, woman?" yelled the preacher. "I said the virgins!" Replied the woman, "How do you expect a three-month old baby to get up by herself?"
    

6. Martha Grumble and Mildred Mousebreath, two middle-aged housewives, are sharing confidences over a cup of coffee.
   "I don't know what to do about my husband anymore," sniffs Martha. "He never comes home until three in the morning."
   "Oh dear!" sighs Mildred. "My husband used to be like that -- but not anymore!"
   
   "Really?" asks Martha. "What made him change?"
   "What made him change, my dear," says Mildred, smiling, "is that every time he crept through the door at three o'clock in the morning, I would sweetly call out, `Is that you, Raymond?'"
   
   "Is that all there is to it?" asks Martha.
   "That's right!" explains Mildred.
   
   "But I don't understand," says Martha. "Why would that stop him?"
   "Simple," explains Mildred. "Because his name is Sidney."
    

7. Gorgeous Gloria is fed up with her usual boyfriends, so she decides to join a computer match-making service. She sends in all her personal information and preferences and then waits excitedly for the result.
   
   The very next day she gets a phone call from her first prospective date. After ten minutes of chatty conversation, the guy suddenly says, "I'm nine inches long and four inches around! Are you interested?"
   
   "Interested?" cries Gloria. "I'm fascinated! And how big is your prick?"
    

8. Mary returns home to America after her marriage to a Polack. She meets her friend, Susan, on the street.
   
   "I heard you got married in Poland!" Susan exclaims.
   
   "Yes," says Mary, "and after our wedding my husband gave me the longest, hardest thing I have ever seen!"
   
   "Oh, really!" shrieks Susan. "What was that?"
   
   Mary replies, "His name!"
    

9. Fred and Bill, two historians, are comparing ancient and modern history.
   
   "Do you remember Julius Caesar's war slogan?" asks Bill.
   "Yes," replies Fred. "In Latin it was: `Veni, Vidi, Vici.' It means: `I came, I saw, I conquered.'"
   
   "Correct," says Bill. "And nowadays, all the young `Caesars' have a different slogan -- `Vidi, Vici, Veni' -- `I saw, I conquered, I came!'"

Random Osho Jokes - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8