Osho Jokes - Jokes told by Osho, Best Osho Rajneesh Jokes

Osho Jokes - Home

Random Osho Jokes

Irish Paddy's wife Maureen had been rushed to the hospital that morning. Nine months pregnant and now in labor, she gives birth to two beautiful twin daughters. Irish Paddy, after a day's work laboring with rubble on the building site, marched up to the hospital in the cool of an autumn evening to visit his wife in the maternity ward.

"Oh, hello, little sweet darling," he cooed to his Maureen, as he approached the bed with a glint of curiosity in his right eye, as he observed two tiny babies arriving by the bed, hand in hand with a nurse.

"I have had twins, me luv," said Maureen. And for ten long minutes Paddy sat bemused by that bed, not knowing how to work it out.

The ward bell rang, Paddy kissed his wife and left. "By Christ!" he muttered, as he walked the long corridor, "If I find the other bugger I will kill him."
Paddy was digging his garden one day, when he saw a little creature at his feet. He lifted his shovel up to kill it, but to his surprise it spoke.

"Paddy, I'm a leprechaun. Spare my life and I will grant ye three wishes."

"Three wishes? Done!" said Paddy, then thought: "Well, I am thirsty from all this digging. I would like a bottle of cold Guinness."

The leprechaun snapped his fingers and Paddy found he was holding a bottle of Guinness.

"That there," said the leprechaun, "is a magic bottle. It will never empty -- it will pour forever." Paddy took a swig. Lovely. "What are your next two wishes, Paddy?" asked the leprechaun

Paddy thought, "I think I would like two more of these, please."
Paddy Murphy is on his way home, when he comes across a woman crying hysterically.

"What is the matter, lady?" he asks.
"MacTavish is dead!" she sobs. "MacTavish is dead!"

A few minutes later he comes across another woman sobbing, "MacTavish is dead! MacTavish is dead!"

Soon he finds another woman crying the same thing, and then as he approaches the railway crossing he sees a ghastly sight. A train has run over a man and cut him in pieces. And there on the street next to the body is lying his foot-and-a-half long prick. Several women are standing around crying, "MacTavish is dead! MacTavish is dead!"

When Paddy arrives home, he says to Maureen, "I just saw a terrible thing. A train ran over a guy and cut off his pecker. And would you believe it? His prick was eighteen inches long!"

"My God!" cries Maureen. "MacTavish is dead!"
A pretty young farm girl has been to the market one day and is walking home to her farm after dark. Soon she meets one of the lads from the neighboring farm walking in the same direction. They walk together for a little while, and the girl says, "You know, I'm not sure a weak and defenseless girl like me should be walking with a big strong chap like you after dark."

The farm lad says nothing.

A few minutes later she starts again, "I'm almost afraid to be alone in the dark with you like this. You might take advantage of me."

The boy laughs and says, "Here am I carrying a pitchfork and a chicken in one hand, a washtub in the other, and leading a goat. And you think I'm going to get ideas? No chance."

The girl thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well, I only thought that if you were to stick the pitchfork in the ground, tie the goat to it and put the chicken under the washtub, I would be in trouble."
Ruthie Finkelstein is lying on her deathbed. "Moishe," she murmurs to her husband sitting beside the bed, "I must make a confession before I go. The fact is, I have been unfaithful to you."

"I know," says Moishe quietly.
"I don't think you understand," pleads Ruthie. "What I mean is that I have been with another man."

"Yes, I know that," Moishe murmurs.
"Not just once," continues Ruthie, "but lots of times -- in his office, in his house..."

"Yes, I know that, dear," says Moishe soothingly.
"Even in this house, in this very bed!" cries Ruthie.

"Yes, I know," whispers Moishe. "That's why I put rat poison in your tea."
It is a sunny morning on Cape Catastrophe beach, and Prunella Polygon, a very homely-looking girl, is rambling along daydreaming. She stumbles and trips over a bottle lying in the sand, and nearly faints when the top of the bottle flies off and, "Poof!" -- a genie pops out.

The genie stretches and yawns and then looks at Prunella and announces, "Ah! I am forever in your debt, young lady. You have freed me from a prison of a thousand years. Ask anything, and I will fulfill your desire."

Prunella Polygon cannot believe her good luck and does not hesitate.

"I want a figure like Sophia Loren," she says, "and a smile like Raquel Welch, and hair like Bridgette Bardot and tits like Samantha Fox. And eyes like Elizabeth Taylor and an ass like Marilyn Monroe."

The genie takes a long look at Prunella and says, "Honey, please put me back in the bottle."
A man in New York for the weekend, struck up a conversation with a young lady in the bar. After a few drinks he suggested that they buy a bottle and go to his room; she agreed. When the girl began taking off her clothes, the man asked, "Say, how old are you?"

"Thirteen," she replied.
"Thirteen? Good Lord," said the man. "Get your clothes back on and get out of here."

At the door the girl paused and said, "Superstitious, eh?"
"You will be poor and unhappy until you are forty," said the fortune-teller to her customer.

"Then what?" asked the worried customer.
"Well, by then you will be used to it," the fortune-teller replied!
Ronald Reagan and George Bush go hiking together in the Montana mountains. They have been walking all day, discussing the forthcoming presidential election, and Ronald is giving George lots of advice about how to wear his make-up and look good on TV.

Suddenly they look up and see a huge grizzly bear coming over the hill towards them. Immediately, Bush reaches into his pack and pulls out a pair of running shoes. Then he starts taking off his hiking boots, and putting on the sneakers.

"Hey," says Ronald, nervously. "You don't think you can outrun that grizzly bear, do you?"
"I don't have to," says Bush, with a grin. "I just have to outrun you!"

Random Osho Jokes - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9