Osho Jokes - Home

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5. Ronald Reagan Jokes
    
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10. Osho Jokes on Relationships

    Osho Jokes on Ronald Reagan

1. Finally, Ronald Reagan is retired into private life. After leaving the White House, he and Nancy return to living normal lives on their ranch in California, and are just as happy as little rats. One day, Ronald decides he wants to take Nancy shopping, so he gets her into the car and they drive to the local shopping mall. Then Reagan takes Nancy into the huge Dingbat's Department Store.

   As they walk in, Ronald looks up and sees a sign by the door that reads: "Please leave your bag outside."

   "Gee, Nancy," says Ronald, turning to his wife. "Sorry, but you will have to wait here!"
    

2. Ronald Reagan steps down from the plane and goes into the airport in Mexico. He is very full of his own sense of self-importance and keeps snapping instructions to his attendants. A sleazy-looking Mexican man sidles up to him and whispers, "Hey, Americano. I get what you like -- feelthy pictures, marijuana, girls, boys."

   "Who let this man in here?" asks Reagan, pushing the Mexican away. "My business is with the president."
   "I can fix that," replies the Mexican, "but for a president you will have to pay a little extra."
    

3. One day in English class at Horowitz High School in L.A., Tom Robbins, the famous author, comes to lecture the class on creative writing. After discussing how to write a short story, he says, "Okay, for a successful short story, there are four essential ingredients: religion, sex, politicians, and mystery. And it should be concise and to the point."

   "No problem!" shouts Bobby Babblebrain, Boris's young punk son, from the back of the room. And he scribbles something on a scrap of paper. He hands it to Tom. On it is written:

   A Short Story.

   "Jesus Christ!" screams Nancy Reagan. "I'm pregnant again. I wonder who the hell did it this time?"
    

4. Ronald and Nancy Reagan are invited to dinner with Ed Meese and his wife, pope the Polack and his bishop, and Rajiv and Mrs. Gandhi. They go to a nice restaurant downtown and are seated immediately at the celebrity table. With full pomp and circumstance, head waiter Reginald the homosexual serves them cocktails and takes their orders. He returns to the kitchen and hands the order slip to Jablonski the cook.

   "Hey, wait a minute," says Jablonski. "This order says `Give Nancy Reagan her favorite chicken parts.'"
   "Yes, that is correct," agrees Reginald gaily. "What about it?"

   "Well," says Jablonski. "What the hell are Nancy Reagan's favorite chicken parts?"
   "I don't know," says the waiter, "but as far as I can tell, they must be right wings and assholes!"
    

5. Ronald Reagan picks himself up off the street outside the exclusive Big Deal Restaurant.

   "I guess I don't have anything to complain about," says Reagan, as he dusts himself off. "They treated me all right!"

   "What do you mean, `treated you all right'?" asks Reginald, Ronald Reagan's private secretary, straightening Reagan out. "They threw you out, did they not?"

   "Yes they did," replies Reagan. "They threw me out through the kitchen into the street. Then I told the manager that I used to be the president of America, so he picked me up gently, brushed me off, and escorted me back into the restaurant. Then he threw me out of the front door!"
    

6. George Bush, the vice president of America, walks into the Oval Office one morning to find Ronald Reagan laughing hysterically.

   "Mr. President, sir," inquires Bush, "what on earth is so funny?"
   "I just found out that Ed Meese has been paying twenty dollars every time he screws Nancy," chokes the delirious president.

   "My God!" screams Bush. "That is not funny! That is a national scandal!"
   "Why?" laughs Reagan, wiping his eyes. "That idiot! I screw her for free!"
    

7. Ronald Reagan goes to see Doctor Bones for a complete check-up. He is very depressed and says to Bones, "Doctor, it's terrible, I get up in the morning and look in the mirror and I'm just a mess!"
   "Really?" says Bones, raising his eyebrows, "tell me about it."

   "Yes, Doc," continues Reagan, "I look in the mirror and my cheeks are sagging and I have blotches all over my face, my hair is falling out, and I look so ugly. What is it?"
   "I have no idea what it is," replies Bones, "but your eyesight is perfect!"