-
"What are you giving up for
Ramadan?"
"Smoking, drinking and chasing women. What are you giving up,
Nasrudin?"
"Telling lies," said Mulla Nasrudin.
-
"You are lucky you don't have
to get up and go to mosque on these dark morning,
Mulla."
"No -- I am an atheist now-a-days -- Thank God!" said Mulla Nasrudin.
-
Doctor: "You look much better
this week, Mulla."
Mulla Nasrudin: "I certainly am, doctor. I reckon
it's because I followed the directions on the bottle of medicine you
prescribed for me last time."
Doctor: "Splendid. Er -- what directions?"
Nasrudin: "It said: 'Keep this bottle tightly corked'."
-
Mulla Nasrudin said to the bartender: "Have you seen
Sheikh Abdulla around here in the last hour and a half?"
"Yes, he was here," said the bartender.
"Good," said Mulla Nasrudin. "Did you notice whether I was with
him?"
-
Mulla Nasrudin walked out of a hall where a
politician was addressing a meeting. Someone in the corridor asked
him of the speaker had finished his speech. "Yes," said
Nasrudin. "He finished his speech shortly after he
started, but he has not stopped yet."
-
Mulla Nasrudin, a candidate for the police force,
was being verbally examined. "If you were by yourself in a police
car and were pursued by a desperate gang of criminals in another car
doing forty miles an hour along a lonely road, what would you do?"
The Mulla looked puzzled for a moment and then replied: "Fifty."
-
An exasperated politician was being heckled.
"There seems to be a great many fools here tonight,"
he exclaimed. "I wonder if it would be advisable to hear one at a time."
"That's fair enough," shouted Mulla Nasrudin in the
audience. "Finish your speech."
-
Mulla Nasrudin left the gas turned on in his little
shop one night and upon arriving in the morning struck a match to light it.
There was a terrific explosion, and the Mulla was
blown out through the door. A passer-by rushed to his assistance, and inquired
if he was injured. Nasrudin gazed at his place of business, which was
now burning quite briskly, and said:
"No, I ain't hurt. But I got out just in time, eh?"
-
"I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and
you only sent a pound and a half. Are you scales correct, Mulla?"
"My scales are all right, madam," said Mulla
Nasrudin. "Have you weighed your little boy?"
-
A man entered Mulla Nasrudin's shop, which he found
empty except for the Mulla, who was playing chess with a dog. The dog, watching the
board intently, made his moves by grasping the particular chessman in his teeth. He
wagged his tail wildly when he made a good move and, on occasion, would bark sharply to
indicate "Check!"
The customer, finally recovered from his
stupefaction, gasped out, "Hey, that's a smart dog you have got there."
And Mulla Nasrudin answered: "Not so smart! I have
beat him three times out of five so far."
-
"If you will give me your telephone number, I will
call you up some time."
Mulla Nasrudin: "It's in the book."
"fine! And what's your name, sir?"
Mulla Nasrudin: "That's in the book, too!"
-
Friend: "How do you spend your income, Mulla?"
Mulla Nasrudin: "About 30 per cent for shelter, 30
per cent for clothing, 40 per cent for food, and 20 per cent for amusement."
Friend: "But that adds up to 120 per cent."
Nasrudin: "That's right."
-
Mulla Nasrudin and his friend sat silently over
their beers, each sunk in misery.
Finally, the friend heaved a sigh and said: "I wish
I were dead."
Nasrudin sighed in his turn and said: "If only I
felt that good."
-
Mulla Nasrudin used to say: "I grew so disturbed
with everything I read about the connection between smoking and cancer that I finally
simply forced myself to give up reading."
-
Once Mulla Nasrudin was stopped by a thief who said:
"Your money or your life."
The Mulla closed his eyes and there followed a
lengthening silence. Finally, the thief said again: "Come on, your money
or your life."
Mulla Nasrudin opened his eyes and said querulously:
"I am thinking! I am thinking!"
-
A friend met Mulla Nasrudin for the first time in
five years.
"Tell me, Mulla," said he, "did you marry that girl,
or do you still darn your own socks and do your cooking?"
"Yes," was Mulla Nasrudin's reply.
-
Mulla Nasrudin and his friend Sheikh Abdulla
approached each other one night in the tavern.
"Good morning, Nasrudin. How are you?"
"I am fine, Abdulla, but my name is not Nasrudin."
"Mine's not Abdulla, either."
"Not to worry," said Mulla Nasrudin. "we are
probably not ourselves today."
-
Mulla Nasrudin: "I suppose you could say I have an
uncanny knack of getting my own way. I am terribly ambitious, and somehow I always
seem to achieve my selfish goals -- women, money, power -- I just brook no opposition,
but forge ahead, regardless of others."
Psychiatrist: "And how long have you had this
complaint?"
Nasrudin: "who's complaining?"
-
A psychiatrist was called in to examine Mulla
Nasrudin who was suing his employers for compensation after an industrial injury.
"Now, Mulla, perhaps you could show me just how high
you can raise your arms..." The Mulla complied painfully raising his arms only to
shoulder level.
"And how high could you raise them before? Can you
show me?"
asked the psychiatrist blandly.
"Come off it, Doctor -- you don't catch me that
way," sneered Nasrudin. "I could only raise them this high before the accident as well!"
