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Osho Little Ernie Jokes

Little Ernie is doing his homework one evening and has a problem.
"Dad," he says, "what is the difference between `anger' and `exasperation'?"

"Well, son," says his father, "I will give you a practical demonstration."
His dad then goes to the phone and dials a random number.

"Hello," comes a voice at the other end.
"Hello," says Ernie's father. "Is Melvin there?"

"There is no one called Melvin here!" comes the reply. "Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"
"You see?" says Ernie's father.

"That man was not at all happy with our call. But watch this!"
He then dials the same number again, and says, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

"Now look here!" comes the angry reply. "I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!" And then he slams down the receiver.

"Did you hear that?" asks Ernie's father. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!"

He picks up the phone and dials the same number again, and when a violent voice shouts, "HELLO!" Ernie's father says, "Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
Little Ernie was taking a walk in the park with his father, when suddenly a bee settled on a rock in front of them. Just for spite, Ernie picked up a piece of wood and smashed the bee, whereupon his father said, "That was very cruel, Ernie, and for being cruel you will get no honey for a year."

Later, Ernie deliberately stepped on a butterfly. "And for that, young man," said his father, "you will get no butter for a year."

When they returned home, Ernie's mother was fixing the dinner. Just as they entered the kitchen, she saw a cockroach and immediately crushed it. Ernie looked at his father mischievously and said, "Will you tell her, Dad, or shall I?"
Little Ernie walks into his parents' bedroom and sees his father putting on a condom.
"Hey, Dad," says Little Ernie. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, er... I am going out to hunt rabbits," stammers his embarrassed father.
"Really?" says Ernie. "What are you going to do when you reach them, Dad? Fuck them?"
One morning at the breakfast table, little Ernie says to his mother, "Mummy, yesterday when you were at work, Daddy took the maid upstairs to the bedroom and..." His mother interrupts him and says, "Ernie, tonight at dinner time I want you to tell this whole story when your father is here."

So that night at dinner his mother says, "Now, Ernie, dear, I want you to repeat what you told me this morning."

"Well," says Ernie, "when you were at work, Daddy took the maid up to the bedroom and did the same thing you and the milkman did last week."
Little Ernie wants a bicycle, but when he asks his mother, she tells him he can only have one if he behaves himself, which he promises to do. But after a week of trying to be good, Ernie finds it impossible. So his mother suggests, "If you write a note to Jesus, maybe you will find it easier to be good."

Ernie rushes upstairs, sits on his bed, and writes: "Dear Jesus, if you let me have a bike, I promise to be good for the rest of my life." Realizing that he could never manage that, he starts again: "Dear Jesus, if you let me have a bike, I promise to be good for a month." Knowing that he can't do that, he suddenly has an idea.

He runs into his mother's room, takes her statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in a shoe box and hides it under the bed. Then he begins to write again: "Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again..."
Little Ernie is at the seashore when a pretty blond comes out of the surf and finds that she has lost the top half of her bathing suit. Embarrassed, she crosses her arms in front of her chest and hurries across the beach.

She almost reaches to where she has left her towel when little Ernie asks, "Lady, if you are giving away those puppies, could I have the one with the pink nose?"
Miss Goodbody, the teacher, is approaching her classroom when little Ernie comes towards her from the other direction, deliberately winking his left eye.

"Ernest," says Miss Goodbody, quite shocked. "Are you winking at me?"

"No," says Ernie, making a left turn into the classroom, "I have just got my turn signal on."
After returning from church one Sunday with his parents, little Ernie surprises them by saying, "I think I might be a preacher when I grow up."

"That's fine," says his mother, "but what gave you that idea?"
"Well," replies little Ernie, "if I have to go to church anyway it would be more fun to stand up and yell than sit still and listen."

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