Little Ernie Jokes of Osho, Osho Little Ernie Jokes

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Osho Little Ernie Jokes

Little Ernie was always saying things that got him into trouble. One day his mother was having a friend to lunch who was bringing her new baby who had no ears. Ernie's mother called him and said, "Ernie, don't you say anything about the baby. In fact, don't even speak at all."
"Okay," said Ernie.

The friend arrived with her baby. Ernie looked at him, took his hand, and said, "What beautiful little hands he has."
"Ernie," warned his mother.

"And what beautiful brown hair he has."
"Yes," said the proud friend.

"Has he got good eyesight?" asked Ernie.
"Ernie!" yells his mother.

"Why?" asked the baby's mother.
"Because," says Ernie, "he will never be able to wear glasses."
"Quick," yells little Ernie as he rushes into the drugstore, "my Dad is hanging upside down by his pants leg in a barbed wire fence!"

"What do you need?" asked the druggist. "Help or first aid supplies?"

"Nothing like that," says Ernie breathlessly, "I want another roll of film for my camera!"
Little Ernie is looking through the family photo album when he comes across a photo of his parents' wedding day.

Ernie calls his father over, and pointing to his mother's wedding dress says, "Was that the day that Mum came to work for us?"
Miss Goodbody, the pretty young school teacher, noticed that little Ernie had a gleam in his eye and his gaze followed her all around the room. He obviously had a crush on her, so she called him aside after school.

"Ernest," she begins, "your grades have been slipping lately and I notice that you are not paying attention in class. Is something distracting you?"
"Yes, Miss Goodbody," says Ernie in a soft voice.

"By any chance," she asks compassionately, "is it me?" Little Ernie nods and the teacher smiles. "That's very sweet," says Miss Goodbody, "I'm very flattered. And to tell you the truth, I hope to have a husband one day who is as bright and cute as you."
"Then why not me?" asks Ernie.

"Well," says Miss Goodbody, "I don't want a child."
"Okay," replies Ernie, "I promise to be super-careful."
"Why were you kissing my young daughter in that dark corner last night?" said the angry father.

"Now that I have seen her in the daylight," said Ernie, "I sort of wonder myself."
Little Ernie's mother was worried about his progress at school, so she took him to see the psychiatrist.

The shrink decided to give him an aptitude test and asked the nurse to put a hammer, a wrench and a screwdriver on the table. "If he grabs the hammer," said the shrink, "he will be a carpenter. If he grabs the wrench, he will be a mechanic. If he grabs the screwdriver, he will be an electrician."

Ernie fooled them all. He grabbed the nurse.
Ernie was talking to Ronnie, the little boy from next door.
"How old are you?" asked Ernie.

"I don't know," replied little Ronnie.
"Do women bother you?" inquired Ernie.

"No," said Ronnie.
"Then," said Ernie knowingly, "You are four."
The maths teacher turned to little Ernie and said, "Ernest, if your father borrowed three hundred dollars and promised to pay back fifteen dollars a week, how much would he owe at the end of ten weeks?"
"Three hundred dollars," Ernie quickly replied.

"I am afraid," said the teacher, "that you don't know your maths very well."
"I am afraid," said Ernie, "that you don't know my father."

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