Little Ernie Jokes of Osho, Osho Little Ernie Jokes

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Osho Little Ernie Jokes

"I don't want your son, Ernie, swimming in our pool anymore" says Mrs. Meyer to her neighbor, Mrs. Jones.
"But what has my poor little Ernie done?" asks Mrs. Jones.

"He is constantly peeing in the pool," says Mrs. Meyer angrily.
"Don't be so hard on him," says Mrs. Jones, "all children of his age do that!"

"Maybe they do," says Mrs. Meyer, "but not from the diving board."
Little Ernie's parents are horrified. Their four-year-old son is just learning to talk fluently, which is charming, but he uses the word `fucking' in almost every sentence -- which is very impolite. They try every strategy to get him to stop, but nothing seems to work so they try bribery.

They tell Ernie that he can go to Janet's birthday party if he stops swearing. His father has asked Janet's mom to send Ernie home at once if she hears the filthy, disgusting word. On Saturday at two-thirty Ernie sets off, but at three o'clock he is back again in tears.

"I told you not to use that disgusting word," his father cried.
"I did not use the fucking word," shouts Ernie. "The fucking party is not till next fucking Saturday."
The hostess at a kid's birthday party goes up to little Ernie, "How come," she asks, "your little brother is so shy? He has not moved from that corner all afternoon."

"He is not shy at all," insists Ernie. "It is just that he has never had to wear a necktie before and he thinks he is tied to something."
Little Ernie gives a loud wolf whistle in the middle of Father Murphy's sermon, and his grandfather picks him up and carries him out of the church. Once they are outside, he starts to scold. "How could you?" he cries, "Making such a noise in the church...!"

"Well," replies little Ernie looking quite excited, "I have been praying for a long time that God would teach me to whistle, and this morning he did."
The plumber comes to fix some things in the house, and little Ernie follows him everywhere. When the plumber pulls out a screwdriver, little Ernie says, "My Dad has two of those."

The plumber smiles and pulls out a wrench.
"My Dad has two of those," says Ernie.

The plumber smiles again and carries on working. When he goes to the bathroom for a pee, little Ernie goes along. Taking out his prick, the plumber asks, "Has your dad got two of these too?"

"Yes, he has!" replies little Ernie. "He has got one small one like you to pee with, and a big one which he chases Mum around the kitchen table with!"
Little Ernie gets the idea that it might be fun to become a politician when he grows up. So his dad takes him to Washington to watch the inauguration of the new American president, Adolf Ramsbottom. Little Ernie notices Father Fungus, the bishop of New York, standing on the podium next to the new president.

"Dad," whispers Ernie, "is the priest there to pray for the president?"

"No, son," replies his dad. "The truth is that the priest looks at the president -- and then prays for the rest of the world."
During the geography class, the teacher looks at little Ernie and says, "What is the matter, Ernest? Why are you looking so unhappy?"
"I didn't get no breakfast," Ernie replies.

"You poor dear, but to get on with our geography lesson ..." says the teacher pointing to the map, "where is the Mexican border?"
"In bed with Mama," says Ernie. "That's why I didn't get no breakfast."
Little Ernie took his paper up to the teacher for marking and as she bent over the desk, he looked down the front of her blouse and said, "Teacher, I see something."

The teacher was extremely embarrassed and said, "Ernie, that is very rude. Tomorrow, don't come to school." The next week Ernie was sitting in the front row when the teacher was writing on the blackboard. She dropped her chalk and, with her back to Ernie, bent down to pick it up. Ernie got up and without a word headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" asked the teacher sternly.
"Teacher," said Ernie, "my school days are over."

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