Little Ernie Jokes of Osho, Osho Little Ernie Jokes

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Osho Little Ernie Jokes

The young teacher wrote on the blackboard, "I ain't had no fun all summer." Then she asked the children, "What is wrong with that sentence and what do I do to correct it?"
Little Ernie shouted from the back, "Get a boyfriend."
Little Ernie trots into the bathroom just as his pregnant mother is getting out of the bath.

"What is that?" he asks, pointing at her bulging belly.
Feeling a bit embarrassed, and not wanting to explain all about the birds and the bees, his mother tells him, "It is a present Daddy gave me."

A bit puzzled by this reply, little Ernie goes into the kitchen, where his father is reading the newspaper over breakfast.

"Dad?" says Ernie.
"Yes, Ernie," replies his father.

"You know that present you gave Mummy?" asks Ernie.
"Yes, son," replies his father.
"Well," says Ernie, "she has gone and eaten it!"
Miss Goodbody tells her class that they are going to play a spelling game. Telling little Bobby to stand up, she asks, "What does your father do for a living? Say it nice and clearly. And then spell it out."

"My father is a baker," says Bobby. "B-a-k-e-r."
"Good," says Miss Goodbody, "now Cecily."

"Doctor: d-o-c-t-o-r," says Cecily smugly and sits down.
"Excellent," says Miss Goodbody, "Now Herbie."

Herbie stands up and says, "Shipbuilder: s-h-i-t..."
"No, Herbie," says Miss Goodbody, "try again."

"Shipbuilder: s-h-i-t..."
"No, no," cries Miss Goodbody, "go to the blackboard and write it out and they will see your mistake!"

As Herbie heads for the front of the class, Little Ernie jumps up and says, "My dad is a gambler: g-a-m-b-l-e-r. And I will bet you five bucks that idiot puts shit on the board."
Miss Goodbody goes with her class to Paris for a school trip. They are seeing all the sights, when Miss Goodbody realizes that little Ernie is missing. She leaves the rest of the class in a museum and goes looking for him. After searching for some time, she finds little Ernie standing in the corner of a cabaret show, crying.

"Why are you crying?" asks Miss Goodbody.

"Well," sniffs Ernie, "my Mom told me that if I look at a naked woman, I will turn to stone -- and now I feel something getting hard already."
Little Ernie is trying to get his grandfather to make a noise like a frog. But Grandpa refuses and goes on digging the garden.

After an hour of constant pestering, Grandpa throws down his shovel and turns around.

"All right, Ernie," he snaps, "but why all the fuss?"

"Well," replies little Ernie, "Grandma says when you croak we will all go to Hawaii."
Miss Goodbody is giving her class an English lesson, and all goes well until she explains the use of the word `perhaps' to them.
"Now, Billy," she says, "will you make up a sentence to show that you understand how to use `perhaps'?"

Billy stands up, thinks for a moment and says, "If we are very good, perhaps teacher will let us go early."
"Excellent," says Miss Goodbody. Then she turns to little Ernie and says, "What about you, Ernest? Can you give us an example?"

Little Ernie stands up and says, "Does it have to be made up, Miss?"
"No," replies Miss Goodbody, "it can be true, as long as you use the word `perhaps'."

"Okay," says Ernie, "when I saw you and the music teacher taking your pants off in the music room, I thought that perhaps you were going to shit on the piano."
Little Ernie's mother is saying good night to her kids. She is expecting another child, so she tells them the story of how the stork brings babies.

After she has turned out the light, little Ernie turns to his sister.

"You know?" he says, "I don't care what Mom thinks. I just can't picture Dad screwing a stork."
Little Ernie stands up in class one morning, waves his arm and says, "Miss Goodbody, I won't be in school next Friday because of my father's funeral."

"My god!" exclaims Miss Goodbody," what happened?"
"Well," says Ernie, "he tried to hammer a nail into the wall and hit his finger."

"But he couldn't die from that," says Miss Goodbody.
"I know," replies Ernie, "but he kept on howling like a mad dog, so we had to shoot him."

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